Wednesday, February 22, 2012

A day like any other

My last post was about the lead up to Riley's birthday and how hard this day can be but on reflection it is not the day itself that is hard it is actually the lead up. The lead up to a day like any other, a day which doesn't have birthday cake or party celebrations. A day without presents or phone calls from family singing Happy Birthday.

It is the realisation that Riley's Birthday is like any other day but my heart just feels so much heavier not having him here.

I do have three wonderful princesses which I know will always keep the day special in their own little ways. Miss Poppy asked if she could have Riley's presents as he was not here to open them, he wouldn't mind she says I will just send him a balloon to catch.

Last year on Riley's birthday we went out to dinner and we did the same again this year. I can see it being something that we always do. The girls wanted to get balloons and release them for Riley but we didn't get to do that, with school and me not being able to drive to get them. When we have a chance we will do this for the girls.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Lead up to Riley's birthday

The days leading up to Riley's birthday are hard, I can't see it ever being easy. I can't imagine in 30 or 50 years not thinking about the events that took place in the days that lead up to me taking myself to the hospital to find out our Little Boy was gone.

Dave and  I watched Josephine sleep last night, waiting for her to wake for a feed. We both looked at her and expressed how sometimes it is hard to look at Josephine when she is sleeping as she looks so much like Riley. Just little things, the way her jawline falls,  her pale skin and the colour of her lips. At this point I unwrap her so that she can wake. To be able to see her smile to know that she is ours and here, that we made it through the journey of getting her here and we will be able to watch her grow an develop into  a lovely young woman.

It amazes me that the last two years have flown by, so much has changed in that time. The saying "Time Heals", well two years ago I would have said whatever, now I can see time does heal, it doesn't wipe away the pain, he will always be with us and part of our family but time has healed the burning hurt, the rawness and the ache to hold him in my arms when I wake each day.
Our Bears of Hope Bear

Monday, February 13, 2012

Josephine's Blessing

Last Sunday was Josephine's Blessing. It was a lovely day and we are very thankful that some family could make it. John & Kate came down, Irina flew up from Sydney for the weekend and we knew that Dave's Dad (Jeff or Grandpa) was going to be in Brisbane on Sunday so it worked perfectly that we could have some family there. David had told his Mum Evelyn to not bother coming up for it so when she was there on Sunday it was so exciting and the tears started to flow. There was three babies being blessed on Sunday and Josephine was the last, which was lucky because just before it all started she did a big poop and I had to rush out and change her. She really doesn't like to have dirty pants.

Josephine wore her dress that Riley bought her and her bracelet from Rie & Mikie (my parents). It was important for me to have both Riley and my parents represented on the day, as the journey to get to this point has taken so long and without them it wouldn't have been the same.

After I had Riley as I stayed awake all night I had a Hymn come into my mind but I didn't know the title of it and I didn't know all the words. I rang my Mother in law at 3 or 4am one night and made her sing it to me. She must have thought that I had lost my mind. Anyway back to the point I was trying to make. That song was the first hymn that was played on Sunday. I truely felt surrounded by love and family when I heard that familiar song. I knew that Riley was there with us and always will be watching over our family.

As Dave started the blessing, I sat quietly concentrating, I want so much to remember what was being said to be able to take it all in and be able to hopefully remember it all to be able to write it all down afterwards. I can hear my own sobs, feel Monique giving me a cuddle and then I hear it all; the words of the blessing my sobs and the sobs of my sister in law Irina. What a privlidge to be part of this family to have the love and support around us.
They understand the road that we have travelled to get to this day and can feel the emotions and importance.
After the blessing I wished that I could have written every word that was said so refect on it and read it over and over agian in years to come. Then a lady I had never met before came up to me and gave me two little peices of paper and said 'I hope you don't mind but I jotted down what was said in the blessing of your baby and I thought that you might like it'. I'm so grateful to her and she will never know how much her kind act of service has lightened by heart.


This is the shorthand of her Blessing:
Josephine Adelaide Cummings we ask for a blessing of health and strength for a strong body & mind, kind & compassionate young woman. Others will be drawn to you. You will develop a testimony and love of the gospel. You will be surrounded by people but still remain an individual. You will become a worthy member as you grow & attend the Temple.
You are from a large family who love you and want the best for you, listen to their counsel. You will be an inspiration to your mother. Have a healthy relationship with your mother. She will feel of your love and also your sisters and ultimately your brother. Teach them how to love & be kind to each other.
School use hard work and prayer , whatever path you take you will be able to acheive with the help of Heavenly Father in your chosen profession.
Be proud of who you are don't be afraid to stand for the right. Be proud of your heritage. You are loved by your family and Heavenly Father.


Grandma & Josephine

Poppy and Irina

Monique & Laura

Porter Cummings


Tuesday, February 7, 2012

2 Months Old


I'm 2 months old now and look at me, I look so cute.
I've started to smile more and more. I love to laugh at my Mum and Dad and my sisters. My most favourite thing is cuddles and I'm so glad that I get plenty of them around here.
People keep asking who do I look like, well I think I look like me.
I'll get my mum to put more photo's of me up later after I have my milk.




Josephine

First Day at School

We now have two big girls at school. Both Monique and Poppy were super excited to be heading off to school for the first day. New uniforms, new shoes, new backpacks all ready to go.

Monique is starting Yr 1, and she is lucky enough to have some of the kids from her Prep class in her Year 1 class. Her new teacher seems nice and is full of beans, exactly what you need to be when you have  twenty; six yr old in a room together.
Poppy's first day at Prep was a little crazy with kids and parents all squashed into one room, everyone with questions for the teachers and children that don't want to be left. On the first day Poppy was happy to be left but every day since has been a challange. Day by day it has to get better.

Why on earth does my little Poppy, that never stops talking, that is always so friendly and happy not want to be left at school. Apparently she is fine once she is sitting down but until then I have her pulling my clothes off. I'm sure the teachers and other parents love seeing my boobs jumping out of my top as Poppy pulls on me to stay. Today I put Josephine in the pouch so that I couldn't expose myself. One day I will be able to leave her to walk into the classroom by herself.





Poppy's super excited face to be going to school

Monique excited to not be a Preppie any more

About Me

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I'm a stay at home mum to three beautiful girls and one angel boy which inspire me to be a better person every day. My Blog is about our life and suviving the up and downs of raising a family and the love and loss that come along for the journey.