Three Princesses in Waiting

At the start of October I had planned to write about Grief and Life, I wrote headings of posts to prompt me. I had a plan of doing one every few days. Well life keeps going on and I didn't quite get to finish the posts I wanted to in October so there might just be a few more Grief Posts coming when I have time to post about them. October is easily busier then Christmas in our house, we have birthdays, birthdays and more birthdays. Luckily only two in our immediate family but in our extended family there is over 10 in September and October. So family that have yet to receive a present it is on my list and to those that have got them, score! Photo Round Up because I can't remember what I have shared before. I think this was last school holidays, kids day at Surfers Paradise and Movie on the Beach with friends. By the way how good are my teeth looking, you can't even see my braces in this photo! Most annoying sound ever - six kids and duck whistles. ...

If you look in my bag you will find a blue ribbon, it is a little faded now and have some grubby marks on it. It is in the little side pocket with a zipper so I can't lose it. You will find another in my jewellery box, this one is not so faded, it is shiny and bright baby blue. It is there for me to look and touch when I need a reminder this life is real and the bounty of blessing that I have in my life are truly for me. Another you will find in a special blue box in my garage that holds all the precious items that were given to us for Riley. Somewhere along the time between having Riley and his funeral it was decided that all of Riley's family would wear Blue. Riley was our first Boy, Riley was the first Grandson on David's side of the family after 8 grand daughters. We were going to make the most of Blue as we could. The men all wore Blue shirts, the women wore Blue or had a blue Ribbon in their hair. The morning of the funeral it was hot, real hot, western Sydn...

I remember sitting on the floor after the girls where brought back to our house. They had stayed at my sisters the night we had Riley. I sat there broken not knowing what I was feeling let alone how on earth I was going to explain it to a 4yr old and 2 1/2 yr old. I sat there for what felt like a very long time with Poppy playing with some toys. Waiting to find the right words. I just didn't want the girls to feel the way I felt. I think I played out the words in my head over and over but I never got to say them. Before I said anything Poppy asked where is baby boy? Is baby boy gone? Her sweet innocent voice, the way she looked around as if he was hiding. The thing that scared me the most was she already knew without me ever having to utter a word. It was at that point that David and I joined forces and sat with the girls, drew on our faith and told them. There are many moments of losing Riley that I can play over and over in my mind. The regrets the what if and the if onlys, but...

The 15th of October marks Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day, alot of people participate in a capture your grief type project. I tried to do this last year but felt terrible when life got in the way and I couldn't post something everyday. So this year I have decided to write about a few things that I have never written about before, something's that I want to always remember and about moving forward with life. Right now I'm not sure what will get spilt on to the keys in front of me. I'm no writer, my gramma is bad and spelling even worse. I'm going to let the fingers do the talking and see what comes out. I have no idea who reads this and I don't write for others to read, I write to get it out, to make sense of my feelings. I write to make my feelings known and hope that one day my girls will read this and understand me. Understand what is important in this life and be able to look back with fond memories of what I have recorded. The whole day of remembrance i...

Josephine is changing into a real toddler, we have just gone from baby soft sole shoes to real sandals. I know in the whole scheme of life is it not that great a milestone. When she is getting her first bra I may just cry. She chats on the phone to family members and throws tantrums if she doesn't get what she wants.   But the saddest thing of all, I don't get the big long snuggle cuddles anymore. I ask for a cuddle and she runs away.   Onward with the new adventures with a toddler. Lunch Dates Pretty Hair Styles Silly Games Crashing after a long day

It is with much sadness that I have to write that our ugly, smelly Guinea Pig Rueben is Dead. Monique through all her efforts to look after her first pet some how got the short straw and has had to deal with finding him 'Just laying there'. Of course she has gone through all the normal grieving cycles. Sadness, anger, sadness, happiness all before Rueben had a funeral. Yes Happiness - While Dave is digging a hole to bury Rueben, Monique is asking can she have a snake as a Pet. AAAHHHHH NO Way, what about a Spider? Seeing as I have on more then one occasion rang people to come over to kill a spider, you can be assured the answer is NO. Although I joke about it, I also saw the days following, Monique visiting our surviving Guinea Pig Jaxy a number of times throughout the day to make sure he is still alive. It seems the anxiety of losing a love one even if it is an ugly smelly Guinea Pig is no different for a child to deal with as an adult which has lost someone un-expec...

Visiting hospital with kids is no fun for them or the adults that have to be around them. After we went to the Winter Magic Festival we went to see my Dad(aka Mikie) in hospital. As soon as we walked in we could see and hear that he was having a hard time with his pain management. Mum and I tried to keep the kids busy with the iPad and iPhone but eventually Poppy got bored and hungry.   Family friends had come by to see Dad and they were a wonderful distraction for all of us. It was kind of good that Poppy got bored as her next toy to play with was my camera. I have about 40 photos from that night, Oh the things we do to just keep our kids quite, which she wasn't by any means. This is how Dad looked and felt. But when he knew Poppy was taking a photo, the true Mikie came out from the haze of pain and drugs. Thanks John for playing with Poppy. Not sure which of you two had more fun...