Showing posts from March, 2010

Could you ask this of a friend

I got off the phone to David and received a text message from my good friend Emma to see how everything was going. I rang her and told her that our baby has passed away. She asked questions but don't ask me what she actually asked and if I answered her. I wailed and she sat on the other end of the phone. I was alone with a mobile phone and my dear friend on the end of the line. The Dr and Midwife walked in and out a few times but never stayed, each time Emma stayed on the phone. She has two kids at home that needed her but she managed to stay on the phone the whole time, listening, comforting and crying with me. I told her a few times I'm going now and she said no, i will stay with you until Dave gets there. The words that we spoke at this time mean nothing, there was no comfort that we could give to each; other then to know that we were there for each other and always will be. I know in the end i hung up the phone but i do not remember saying goodbye, i know she wouldn't …

I don't want to know the speed limit

I rang David he was on the way and told him that our baby had no heart beat and he cried and drove so fast to be by my side. I regret having to tell him on the phone but i could not bear that burben by myself until he got there. I have spoken to him since and asked what was running through your mind. He said that he just had to get to the hospital as fast as he could and he just hoped that i was wrong and that Riley still had a chance. I can not imagine what it was like for him to drive and not be able to get to me fast enough. If it was me i would be yelling at every car in front of me to move out of the way, i would be praying that every light was green and there was a parking spot waiting for me. I would want to run if it meant that I would get there a second faster.

David's face when he walked into the room was one of hope, mine was of dispair. How we can communicate without words, his face dropped when he saw me. All i could say was I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry that we h…

One Angel Prince

I started to blog when a became pregnant with Riley and now, it is one of the few things i have to remember him by. We lost our darling little boy on 16th February 2010 at 31 weeks. I had a feeling that something was not right, that he hadn't moved much in the days leading up to his arrival so called the hospital and was told to come straight in to get checked out. I was concerned but thought that everything would be OK.
Riley didn't move much or maybe is was that i'm always so busy that i only ever noticed it at night when i went to bed. When i was pregnant with the girls; we would see feet sticking out, so clearly that you could count their toes. This never happened with Riley and I put it down to being a different baby, he never really bothered me much at all. I was much less sick with Riley then i was with the girls that is for sure. I had to carry zip lock bags with me every where with the girls and with Riley I was sick but he always allowed me enough time to get to …