I started to blog when a became pregnant with Riley and now, it is one of the few things i have to remember him by. We lost our darling little boy on 16th February 2010 at 31 weeks. I had a feeling that something was not right, that he hadn't moved much in the days leading up to his arrival so called the hospital and was told to come straight in to get checked out. I was concerned but thought that everything would be OK.
Riley didn't move much or maybe is was that i'm always so busy that i only ever noticed it at night when i went to bed. When i was pregnant with the girls; we would see feet sticking out, so clearly that you could count their toes. This never happened with Riley and I put it down to being a different baby, he never really bothered me much at all. I was much less sick with Riley then i was with the girls that is for sure. I had to carry zip lock bags with me every where with the girls and with Riley I was sick but he always allowed me enough time to get to the toilet to vomit rather then having to vomit down the front of myself whilst driving. He was such a caring little thing.
After arriving at the hospital my mum took the girls and i went to the delivery ward to get checked out. Mum really wanted to come in with me but I didn't want to have to deal with trying to keep the girls quite and still while we waited, so i sent them all on their way. I got taken to a room with another lady that was also concerned about her baby and the midwife tried to put the heart monitor on but could not find heart beat. I was not overly concerned about this as it had happened before. Due to having a long torso some dr and midwifes had to try hard to get the heart beat. It was the same with the girls. The midwife said how about we got to another room and get the ultrasound machine and get someone with more experience with the ultrasound to have a look. She then moved me to a private delivery room and the Dr came in. I should have know something was not right....
The Dr put the gel on my tummy and started the scan within seconds she said he is not moving, I said what do you mean. She said there is no movement, I'm sorry, there is no heartbeat.
My heart got ripped out in a second. I looked between Dr and midwife and asked if they were joking, it must be a joke. I repeated this over and over. This is no joke. There has to be mistake. There is no mistake. My world came crashing down around me and i was all alone.
This is all i can write today, it is enough to get this far in my story. I will write more when i have the strength. Please share this with others and let them know Stillbirth happens, it is not to be feared as there is no reason for it. I'm an mum to an angel boy and I want congratulations that I got him this far, not I'm sorry for your loss