Showing posts from October, 2013

We all wore blue ribbons in our hair - Riley's funeral

If you look in my bag you will find a blue ribbon, it is a little faded now and have some grubby marks on it. It is in the little side pocket with a zipper so I can't lose it.

You will find another in my jewellery box, this one is not so faded, it is shiny and bright baby blue. It is there for me to look and touch when I need a reminder this life is real and the bounty of blessing that I have in my life are truly for me.

Another you will find in a special blue box in my garage that holds all the precious items that were given to us for Riley.

Somewhere along the time between having Riley and his funeral it was decided that all of Riley's family would wear Blue. Riley was our first Boy, Riley was the first Grandson on David's side of the family after 8 grand daughters. We were going to make the most of Blue as we could. The men all wore Blue shirts, the women wore Blue or had a blue Ribbon in their hair.

The morning of the funeral it was hot, real hot, western Sydney 40 d…

Losing Riley telling the girls

I remember sitting on the floor after the girls where brought back to our house. They had stayed at my sisters the night we had Riley. I sat there broken not knowing what I was feeling let alone how on earth I was going to explain it to a 4yr old and 2 1/2 yr old. I sat there for what felt like a very long time with Poppy playing with some toys. Waiting to find the right words. I just didn't want the girls to feel the way I felt. I think I played out the words in my head over and over but I never got to say them. Before I said anything Poppy asked where is baby boy? Is baby boy gone? Her sweet innocent voice, the way she looked around as if he was hiding. The thing that scared me the most was she already knew without me ever having to utter a word.
It was at that point that David and I joined forces and sat with the girls, drew on our faith and told them. There are many moments of losing Riley that I can play over and over in my mind. The regrets the what if and the if onlys, but …

October - Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Month

The 15th of October marks Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day, alot of people participate in a capture your grief type project. I tried to do this last year but felt terrible when life got in the way and I couldn't post something everyday. So this year I have decided to write about a few things that I have never written about before, something's that I want to always remember and about moving forward with life.

Right now I'm not sure what will get spilt on to the keys in front of me. I'm no writer, my gramma is bad and spelling even worse. I'm going to let the fingers do the talking and see what comes out.

I have no idea who reads this and I don't write for others to read, I write to get it out, to make sense of my feelings. I write to make my feelings known and hope that one day my girls will read this and understand me. Understand what is important in this life and be able to look back with fond memories of what I have recorded.

The whole day of remembrance is a …