Three Princesses in Waiting

Today is International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Day, last year I was challenged by friends to write about my pregnancy loss, my journey. I thought about some things which I had not written about before, I wrote a list of titles that I wanted to write about, to document for my girls what my days where like, to give justification to how life was like and how it is now. However writing does not come easy to me and writing about these days is emotional and can take me to the moment, the emptiness, simply at times I just can not write about how hard it really was. But today as women and men around the globe light candles for their babies that have gone to soon, I feel compelled to write of the times when the struggle to move forward and create a picture of our future seemed so far out of reach. On the 16th February 2010 I gave birth to my only son Riley. I could say this was the darkest day but in honesty it wasn't it, even the days between holding Riley an...

As this image came across my newsfeed on face book a couple of weeks ago I could completely relate. October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness month with the week of the 9th of October to 17th October being Remembrance week. I'm one in four that have experienced the loss of a child, I am one in four that has had a miscarriage actually 2. I am one in four that nearly lost hope of having another child. More then anything I'm one in four women that survive the loss of a child and thrive to see the blessings each day. I am the women that you walk past in the street that has three beautiful girls, yeah there is an age gap between Miss P and Miss J and when you point it out to me, I will tell you of my beautiful son. I posted this image on my facebook page and instagram to not promote what I have been through but to put it out there for other women to see they are not alone. If you have experienced miscarriage, infant loss or stillbirth then break the silence and let ...

I love this image of Poppy's she is just luminescent, such a wonderful reflection of her personality. If only they loved each other like this all the time Monique and all her sweetness Josephine her eye's look like pools that you could just dive into.   Our crazy Princess filled life....

A couple of weekends ago I was very lucky to be able to attend the Bears of Hope Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Ball. It is an awesome night and I'm so grateful that I can be part of such a wonderful charity that supports families. I have written about Bears of Hope before, I have mentioned the Bear of Hope Ball and being involved in the Ball Committee. What I haven't written about before is the over whelming feelings you have attending the ball. During the night there is a candle lighting, it is a time to light your candle for your baby, to watch a beautiful slide show of all the babies names of the people that are in attendance. This year I sat with Jen, my partner in Bears of Hope crime, we became friends 4 yrs ago, not long after I had Riley and just 12 months after Jen lost her first son Bailey. In the first year of our work with Bears of Hope we both very much needed a purpose. There may have even been some competition on who go the most amount of sponsors and dona...

The award for Best Mum Ever goes to Monique's Mum, that would be me! According to Monique. After a late night making Book Week costumes, because I take Book Week a little seriously. I had two children that loved what had been made for them. Poppy got up at 5.30am and woke the rest of the house up telling us we had to get to school really early to get her face painted. Needless to say, although she was up early we were still not at school early. This year Poppy was the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland & Monique was a Wonka Bar with Golden Ticket from Charlie & the Chocolate Factory. The smiles say it all...

I love it when David goes away for work over a weekend. It gives me time with my girls to do girly things. We hit a theme park, go shopping to buy chick flicks, home for homemade pizzas. Singing songs inbetween. I love that Poppy looks after Josephine and knows her role of being a big sister is so important.  This all paints such a happy picture you can forgive me if there is no images because you might just have caught the tantrums, the messy house and the unbrushed hair. 

For a long time I have wanted to have beautiful family photo's taken to show the personalities of each of my children. Images that I can put on my wall to look at when the screaming starts and I can remember that we are all uniquely part of this family, no matter what. I asked my friend and super fantastic photographer Melissa Pratt Photography  to take some photos. We sat down and discussed what I really wanted and where. Over the last 4 years each time I have begun the process to get family photos, it brings up a well of emotions as although these images are lovely, my heart knew that Riley would always be missing. Melissa was fantastic and very caringly worked with me to find a way that we could include Riley in some images. The blue balloons - are my boy, my prince that I held so briefly. My Riley. On the day of Riley's funeral we released 31 blue balloon.  Life after a loss means that the smallest of things like having a family photo ...

Like my blog posts I'm not able to keep up with things that have to be done on a daily basis.    Here's my day 2 which is actually day 3. If figure if I spread them out I can be more grateful for longer.  1. I'm grateful for friends that come to my rescue when my car breaks down, laugh with me and at me, call me when times are tough for advice and give advice right back, make my day a little brighter each day. Being in another state to some of my closest friends It's so good to know that all I have to do is pick up the phone.  My crazy walking buddy, yesterday we made it all the way to the coffee shop in the rain for hot chocolate. We even ran! 2. I'm grateful for hairdye which I'm so desperate to buy more of.  Without it I would look so much older.  3. I'm grateful that we have the opportunity as a family to have warmth, shelter and a cupboard full of food because I know some people don't have the same privilege as us. 

I've been challenged to write three things I'm greatful for, for the next five days. Here I go Day 1 1. I'm grateful for the mess I can make in my own kitchen, after renting for three years I'm glad I can say this place is mine    2. I'm grateful for the three booty shaking girls in the back ground. They are fiesty, they love to dance and they love to cook, hence the mess.  3. Now I've seen a lot of these grateful posts over the last few weeks and I know all the standard things but I'm not a standard kind of girl. So my last thing today is I'm grateful for my taste buds. I'm so glad that I can cook and taste food. I love it so much. After two weeks without chocolate I missed it so much. I fell off the wagon and fell face first into a double family size block. 

Miss Josephine has decided that she is to big for a day sleep now, that is until she gets to 3pm and wants to fall asleep doing the school run. Now we have to drive around with the windows down to keep her awake until we get home. Even then I can't let my guard down as she can fall asleep on the couch.  If she gets the better of me and falls asleep after the school run, then this is where you will find me. Late at night trying to keep the door shut until she crashes. Feel free to send Chocolate!

I haven't written in a while. Life has taken over and I have not given myself time to reflect on each day. After a realisation that I need some time for me, and a outlet to make all of this mortherhood, womenhood, wifey business make sense. I'm back online. I'm a person that likes to have something to show for my achievement's, I like to have a lovely home that I can invite people over to, I like to have children that are happy and of course I like to have a husband that looks lovingly at me from across a crowded room. All the things that Hollywood Movies are made of. Now lets keep it real. Life is not always like this. Sometimes it is enough to be able to get through the day and get the kids to bed. But when they are sleeping and you can look into their little faces and see them as babies and dream of what they are going to be as they grow, that is bliss . On a Tuesday I have seven children in my house after school. It is fun and mad at the same time. I take m...