We only have the small moments

When i hear women talk about being pregnant and labour being a bad thing;The pain the sickness, I have to get up and walk away. This is all that we had with Riley and I treasure every second that we had.
After our labour was induced, Dave went home with a list of things which i needed including our camera, PJ's, a blanket for Riley, Music and that is about all. It is amazing that we can include all the things that we might need in labour, lipbalm, a special selection of music, candles etc etc. But in the end all we need is our loved one. Whilst Dave was gone, Mum and Dad sat with me. I would never have considered having them with me whilst I was in labour but they were great to calm me down, talk to me about random stuff and keep reassuring me that all will be OK. It was a lovely experience to have them there with me.

When Dave got back, my parents left and labour really kicked in. As with the girls my labour was quick, such a blessing. Dave tried to put on some music but all that we had on the laptop was our exercise music. It wasn't really the time for dance music. I got him to put the music on the overhead speak from the delivery ward. It is usually classical so thought that would be nice and calming. When it as put on it was more like my Dad's music that was played on long family trips. It took me back to good memories.

The song that i remember hearing before I started pushing was Up, Up and Away in my beautiful Balloon. Through the morphine haze i sung it out loud and thought on my little boy with his beautiful balloon. Dave remembers the song that was played when Riley was born 'I heard it through the grapevine', it is funny because i had played this song throughout my pregnancy and had danced to it with the girls as it is the first song on The Big Chill songtrack which is one of my favourites at the moment.

After we had Riley it was quite, I could not be sad when i held him in my arms. He was all that i wanted him to be. All the love that I would feel for him over the many years of him being my son if he was alive, I felt it all at once.


  1. Thanks for sharing such special and precious memories...it helps us to understand what you and your family are going through.
    ((hugs)) to everyone

  2. your painful story is bound to help others through their hard struggles...I'm so proud of you for sharing your heartache

  3. Your an Amazing Woman, I'll always love you and be there if you need me

  4. Wow Ande, what a lovely story about Riley, it's beautifully written, you are extremely brave. You have an excellent record of his life captured in this blog which in the years to come will be a concrete reminder of his existence.
    Lindy (Milly & Pippa's Mummy)


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