Three Princesses in Waiting

I was asked by the hairdresser the other day are my friends getting sick of me freaking out about Sunny. My answer was not yet... Well I hope not anyway. There are certain friends which know who they, which take the frantic phone calls, that send me messages each Thursdays after a hospital appointment to check how it went. There are those that have been through the loss of a child themselves and let me have a vent but also are there to have a laugh often at my expense. It is the small gestures which mean so much, new friends and old friends. An old friend which experienced the loss of her son gave me a book titled Pregnancy After Loss, it had been given to her and she passed it onto me. Earlier this year she sent it with her husband to QLD to give to us; not knowing we were pregnant at the time or that we had experienced two miscarriages. She wrote a letter which I have read many times, it talks not only of her love for us but what struck me is her observation of how str...

Monique is asking all the time 'Mum when is Sunny coming?' , to this I say soon but when we don't know exactly. I wish we did.... I ask Monique when she thinks Sunny is coming and last week she told me the 5th of December, that works for me. Lets put the order in and make plans for that date. Today she asked the same question again and the answer this time was tomorrow, well that works for me too. Best get to some housework and finish packing my hospital bag if my fortune teller daughter is correct. Loving Sisters Really they do love each other!

There comes a time in your pregnancy when it is all about comfort. My whole life I have been unable to walk in thongs and therefore have had to make a decision each summer to find something other then thongs to get me through Summer. Not this year, thongs are my friends , I have given in and bought myself two pairs and have made the decision to be a QLD thong wearer. The first couple of days were a struggle. I tripped over my new found friends a couple of times and even began to think there is no way that I'm going to master this. It has been a week now and my lovely pregnant feet are thanking me and thanking my thongs for finally giving in to the social trend and overcoming my life long issue with walking in what every Australian should be able to. Yet another thing which Sunny has enable me to achieve.

Usually David would discribe me as legs a platform and a head but now I'm legs a watermelon and a head. Heres pictures from 35 weeks. Loving my new Where's Wally top. I have never been so big before, Sunny is going to be one big baby by the looks of me. My father in law saw me last week and said 'Wow you actually look pregnant'. So now that we have got past the 31 weeks when we had Riley and the 34 weeks when we had Monique the count down is on. The final arrangements are being made and Sunny althought we don't have a name for you yet we promise that we will call you something once we see your little face. Each week I go to the Dr and she is further down, the very smart Dr last week told me 'She is coming but we just don't know when', hello how long did you go to medical school to be able to make that statement. Off to see the Prof next Thursday and hope that Sunny is still cooking along nicely and she makes her entance soon. The lack of sleep and ...

After we had Riley we tried to tell the girls that Riley will always be with them, I came up with a story about a Magic Blue Butterfly. "Once apon a time their was a little girl, she had a blue butterfly when ever she was scared or sad or lonely the blue butterfly was always with her but one day she was really really scared, she really needed the blue butterfly. Even when you can't see the blue butterfly you can feel it. All you have to do is hold your hand to your heart and you can feel his wings beating in your chest. Now you are very special to have a Blue Butterfly as only children that have an angel brother get to have one. I have one as my brother Kai died and you girls have one as your brother is also in heaven." This story has been told so many times I can't count, the girls could tell you the story about the Magic Blue Butterfly. This story does not take away all that we tell the girls about Heaven and about our faith, it makes it easier for two little gi...

Monique and Poppy's favourite song at the moment is Moves Like Jagger but being 6 and 4 sometimes the words of songs mean something else to them. Everytime it comes on the radio in the car they asked for it to be turned up and they sing and dance along to MOVES IN MY JACKET. Makes me smile everytime I hear it.

Monique's drawing of our family, she has included Riley and Sunny which is so important to me that she never forgets about Riley but more importantly is the smiles on everyones faces. And the love hearts in "I LOVE MY FAMILY!  Picture by Poppy. If you can't tell this is the order, Daddy, Mummy, Monique, Sunny, Poppy and Riley is the little circle under Sunny because he is a baby. Monique did her picture at Church and Poppy did her's at Preschool. No matter where these girls go they will always know all of their family and how important family is to us.

Last weekend we had our first beach day in ages. It was so nice to decide at 2pm to go to the beach and get there so quickly. Still loving being close to the beach. I'm looking more like a beached whale these days then that tall classic super model that I see in my head, sometimes I forget this and get caught out. Last Saturday I was gliding like a beautiful swan towards to the waters edge (in actual fact it was more like a slow moving elephant), the man in front of me was looking quite intently at me and I thought 'Yeah 3 kids later and I still have it '. As I look down to check myself I realise he is not looking at me but the watermelon sized bump that is attached to my front. Yeah you know it 4 kids later and I still have it! Here is my real beach beauty

The weeks are ticking by now and we are getting closer to holding you in our arms. I really can't believe that it is only weeks and those kicks that I find so much joy in will become the cuddles which I will cherish forever. At the start of this pregnancy after Poppy had named you Sunny I saw this outfit in Pumpkin Patch which was just so Sunny that I knew I had to get it for you. I however could not bring myself to buy it, I would walk into the shop every few weeks and look at it and I would pick it up, sometimes I would even carry it around but I would always put it back thinking that it is too soon to buy it for you. It is too important to buy and then have to take back if something went wrong. I resolved that once I got to 32 weeks that I would be able to buy it for you. We had brought so many clothes for Riley and so had my Mum, they were all washed and ironed and in his draws ready for him to come home but as we know he never came home, he never got to wear any of these c...

Once you are over 30, birthdays seem to mould into one, or maybe it is just because we are having so much fun now that the days fly by. I love birthdays and not just mine I love when anyone has a birthday, I love the food, the cake the excitement of giving presents. In our house for your birthday you get to pick your favourite dinner or go out for dinner and their is always cake. This year Dave asked for Prawns with angel hair pasta, love that he prefers my cooking to going out to dinner. I surpised him with a homemade Pav, the first that I have ever made using Grandma's recipe. It was delicious!

We have made it this far, past the big hurdle of the time we lost Riley, past the weeks leading up to the time when we lost our little boy. Some how I made it through, a little crazy and hormonal but what is to be expected of a pregnant lady. I have known worse behaviour from pregnant women that have not had to also deal with the anxiety of knowing it can all end in a second. The feeling of it can all end in a second doesn't go away EVER. There is no safe zone, there is only glimses into the future that may include bringing Sunny Home. We have set up her room something which I felt really strongly that we needed to get done before I got to the point when we lost Riley. In my mind I needed to have this done as we had not set up Riley's room and I regret not having this done for him. When I was pregnant with Riley I had all this clothes washed, ironed and put away for Sunny that may well be the last thing on the list of things to do. If I flip things around it might just be OK ...