I was asked by the hairdresser the other day are my friends getting sick of me freaking out about Sunny. My answer was not yet... Well I hope not anyway.
There are certain friends which know who they, which take the frantic phone calls, that send me messages each Thursdays after a hospital appointment to check how it went. There are those that have been through the loss of a child themselves and let me have a vent but also are there to have a laugh often at my expense.
It is the small gestures which mean so much, new friends and old friends.
An old friend which experienced the loss of her son gave me a book titled Pregnancy After Loss, it had been given to her and she passed it onto me. Earlier this year she sent it with her husband to QLD to give to us; not knowing we were pregnant at the time or that we had experienced two miscarriages. She wrote a letter which I have read many times, it talks not only of her love for us but what struck me is her observation of how strong she see's Dave and I as a married couple. She says together we can get through another pregnancy, so when I have no faith in myself I put it in Dave so that he can ride it out until i feel strong enough again. We didn't end up getting the book until September as her husband got heat stroke when he was in QLD. Then when I was in NSW in June we missed each other by an hour in our busy schedules. As the months passed by she kept the book and the letter and never rewrote it. The message she was writting was before she knew we were even trying for another baby but the message was written so perfectly that the time that passed didn't matter at all.
Trying to make new friends is one things but to try and make new friends when you feel like your world is spinning at a million miles an hr and the end is so far away and you are all consumed by what is going on that you forget alot. Being pregnant is one thing but this whole let me dump my life story on you is what most people would call high maintance but I have been touched by many people that still give me the time of day. I try to filter what I can so I don't seem like the nutcase crazy lady. Sometimes the verbal vomit of what is actually going on comes out and wow then I find myself in the arkward 'Did she really just tell me that' conversation stopper. Sorry if you are reading this and you have experience this. I promise I really am a normal well adjusted person. Those of you who know me don't laugh at this statement.
To the new friends thankyou for the smiles, the understand nods when you ask how are things going, and the distractions. I hope new and old friends understand that by writting this all down it helps me to get through the days and understand that the ups and downs are all part of the journey and if you are ever on the journey that I will travel it with you too.
Two friends encouraged me to blog this year, one was a challenge to blog more often so that he could keep up with that we have been doing in QLD and the other was a friendly suggestion that when I felt I could I should write about Sunny. You two will never understand how much you mean to me. Some how you both seem to know me so well and know what I need.
I understand that it is only me and David that is living this life right now, that to others they might not understand the stress that we feel. I'm very thankful to all that have supported us to get this far because without them I would have gone insane a long time ago.