I would lay in bed waiting for you to kick really hard. My life was ruled by how much I had felt you kick in the minutes or second before. I was not me I was some obsessed women that could not see past a few hours I needed to have everything in life planned in the hope that this time we would be able to bring a baby home and into our arms forever.
I can look back now and see how very nuts I was, I have no faith in my body. My mind and my body were separate beings, both of which I had no control over. When I was about 16 weeks pregnant I went to a councillor at the hospital ( I was refer to her after having a panic attack on my first visit to the hospital, it was bound to happen when the midwife couldn't find the heart beat).
She told me I was really normal and I was dealing with it all very well and she didn't think I needed her help but to call her if I felt I needed it. A year on I can say I needed it, and I shouldn't have been to proud to ask for help. I was the mayor of Crazy Town...
Now my darling girl you are 11 months old, you are beautiful. You eyes sparkle and I melt. You are growing bigger now and I have realised in less then a month you are going to be 1. How did that time go so fast. I'm so thankful that i have been able to enjoy you, to cuddle you when ever you wake and to listen to you laugh when you play with your sisters.
Since my last post at 9 month you have developed so much, you now say Mumma and Dadda and Bubba, and Baba for birds. You are crawling, climbing up stairs, pulling yourself up onto furniture and just yesterday you discovered that you can clap. You favourite food is frozen blueberries. You have two sleeps a day but if you only have one then it doesn't really bother you as long as you have people around to entertain you.
Asleep in the trolley, such a hard life