Thursday, March 29, 2012

In front of the Camera

Some of my children love being in front of the camera and another gets a little over it.
"Enough Already Mum"

Poppy always ready with a pose

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Having a Ball

When we lost Riley two years ago I was handed a bear that was donated from another family that had also lost a baby, 'Baby Dean', this bear meant so much to me to know that I was not alone I was not the only one to feel this emptiness, to feel that my world had been ripped apart and I would never be able to put it back together again.

Dave and I the night that we delivered Riley clung to each other and clung to this bear, like it was our child that we wanted to hold so much. He gave us something to be able to hold as we walked out of the hospital empty handed when we should have been carrying our beautiful baby boy.

Soon after I decided that I wanted to use the experience and pain to help others, I wanted to make a positive memory of Riley and all the good that he could do in this world just by being my son. I know I had a task at hand and that it would never end.  In the depth of sorrow I contacted Bears of Hope to connect with other parents which had experienced the same pain and some how came out of the other side. I drew on their strength when my strength was tested until I could feel strong once again.

Since then I have been involved in organising the Bears of Hope Ball with my partner in crime Jen (she is awesome), so now we are onto our third ball together. The night is fantastic, we have a great time and I'm sure the guests all do to. I was unable to go last year due to not being able to travel as I was pregnant with Josephine but I'm ready to kick up my heals this year and head down to Sydney for it. We have limited seats available so if you would like to join us please get your tickets now and remember all the precious angels which are too precious for now and celebrate a wonderful charity that supports and helps families through the loss of a baby. Book your tickets HERE to go into the draw for the cinderella treatment

Monday, March 19, 2012

Keep those walking shoes on

Well that didn't go as expected, another three months of no driving. It was so upsetting, all I wanted was to be able to get my family back on track and that couldn't happen. The last three months has been crappy but we can't change it we have to wait out the next three months and get on with it.

I've looked at the bus timetable and I can catch a bus to some shops and get the girls to a theme park during the school holidays. We can reflect on the last few months and work out what needs to be changed to make it better for us as a family and what I can do for myself to break down the isolation.

I just got so excited and now I feel disappointment....

As Charlotte from Charlottes web says

Chin up, chin up

Everybody loves a happy face

Wear it, share it

It'll brighten up the darkest place

Twinkle, sparkle

Let a little sunshine in

You'll be on the right side

Looking at the bright side

Up with your chinny chin chin,

Chin up, chin up

Put a little laughter in your eyes

Brave it, save it

Even though you're feeling otherwise

Rise up, wise up

Make a little smile begin

You'll be happy hearted

Once you get it started

Up with your chinny chin chin!

Chin up, chin up

Everybody loves a happy face

Wear it, share it

It'll brighten up the darkest place

Twinkle, sparkle

Let a little sunshine in

You'll be on the right side

Looking at the bright side

Up with your chinny chin chin,

Chin down, you can't come frowning

Turn around

Starting, clowning

Think sad

Your troubles double

Think glad

They burst like bubbles

Chin up, chin up

Every little time your spirits wilt

Chin up, chin up

Give your attitude an upward tilt

Twinkle, sparkle

Make a little fun begin

You'll be on the right side

Looking at the bright side

Up with your chinny chin

Chin up!

 The worse thing is that I have been told I will be on medication for the rest of my life. The side effects are not nice. I have been on the same drug before and was able to get off it after two years and then didn't have another seizure for five years (which was after having my gallbladder taken out), the next was in December after being super stressed, not eating anything, no sleep  and being dehydrated. Surely they can see the pattern. Oh well serve out the next three months and then deal with the medication.

Friday, March 16, 2012

This Prison Cell

The excitement is bubbling over, today is my last day hopefully of being stuck inside these four walls. Three months without a license has been difficult not only for me but for the girls and Dave. This is the second time I have had to give up it up due to seizures but the first time since having kids. It is so different this time.

The first time I wasn't allowed to drive for 6 months but at the time I was living with my parents, didn't have kids, lived near the train station and worked, so the need to drive was limited. I could walk to the train to get to work and then on the weekend Dave and I would spend time together doing young love couple stuff, you know actually wanting to be together.

Now I have three kids, we had school holidays, groceries that need to be brought, all the things you have to do to get ready for school, weeks of wet weather, a baby that needed to be weighed regularly plus all the normal stuff that you need to so as a Mum. The girls have had to walk to school or home in the rain a few times. The first two weeks of school it rained the entire time which meant that Dave would have to go into work late as he would have to drive us to school, drive me and Josephine home, change cars. Then if it was still raining at 2.30pm he would have to leave work come get the girls then drive back to work to try and get more work done.

I can say that I have taken for granted the ease of being able to get in the car and be able to pick up a few things from the shops. Now it takes me half an hour to walk to the shops, 10 minutes to shop and another half and hour to get back home. All of this whilst trying to fit in feeds for a newborn. When you have a newborn you can feel the walls closing in, not being able to get out of the house with the ease that you did before, not having that option to even get out has meant that not only do I feel like the walls are closing in but that I'm imprisoned in my own home. I don't want to do housework every day, I don't want to plan for dinner at lunch time. I just want to be able to get out.  It would be like going to work everyday to dig a hole but every night someone came along to fill it in again and the next morning you would be back to digging the same hole.

Friends have said if you need to go anywhere just let me know and I will take you, to me this is such a pain for these people. I would be saying Oh yeah that would be great if you can follow me around the shops so I can feel like I'm getting out but you will firstly have to come to my house to drive my car so that we can make sure the carseat is installed correctly. I know I could have taken the carseat out of the car and been a little more relaxed with this but I'm so nerotic it just wasn't an option.

This week I have felt so nervous, I had the fear of having another seizure before I got to my appointment meaning even longer without being able to drive.

The girls beg me each day as we walk home in stinking hot weather to be able to be picked up in the car. I keep saying 'Not much longer now'. As we walked home last week Monique held my hand and with such pain and compassion in her voice said 'Mum I wish you never had a seizure', days later Poppy tenderly placed her hands on my face and traced her wee little finger across my bruised eyes and said 'Mum they are nearly all gone, you can drive again'.

Me not being allowed to drive has effected our family and I never knowingly want to put myself at risk of another seizure again. I know that the outcome of me having a seizure could have been much worse then not being able to drive for three months. I will never forget that if I had not put Josephine down when I did; I would have been holding her and I would have potentially killed her with me fitting on top of her. I know I can't control when they are going to happen and I may never have one again, I just hope that if I do it don't hurt anyone.

 Bring on this afternoon and a positive outcome, to get my family back on track.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Sydney Trip Part 2, Family and a 50th

Saturday was the day to see David's family, we invited ourselves and everyone else around to Gaz and Crystal's new house for lunch.
The girls newest Aunty, Aunty Jen with Josephine.

Monique and Aunty Jen 
 Harrison 8mths old giving Josephine a cuddle. He was very interesting in her and kept coming over to her to check her out.

 Grandma Evelyn was very busy moving house but made sure she saw the girls for cuddles.

Saturday night was a 50th Birthday Party for Piggy, I can't believe I'm old enough to have friends having 50th birthday parties. It was great timing that his party was on when we went down as we got to catch up with lots of friends at one place.

Adopted Uncle Chrish

Dave enjoying being with friends

I love these three people so much.
Chrish, Emma and Cameron (Emma's Husband, which puts up with our big phone bills each month).

Next trip to Sydney won't be for a new months so anyone that wants to come up for a visit the airbed is waiting for you.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Our trip to Sydney

A super fast trip to Sydney to show off the newest member of our family.
Firstly my family....
My sister

Josephine was born on my sisters birthday, it is special that they share this day. When i told my sister that i was pregnant with Josephine she said 'maybe she will be born my birthday', but so did two of my sisters in laws that have birthdays at the start of december.

Monique and her cousin Natanne. Moni misses her cousin lots and each time we go to sydney she has such a great time playing with her.

Beautiful Princess Cherinda

My brother teaching Josephine to poke her tongue out.
 My Mum never wanted to let go of Josephine or Monique and Poppy. I know that she misses them so much.

All the cousins range from 18 yrs to Josephine at 12 weeks. This photo is now out of date with my brother and sister in law welcoming their little man Hunter last week.

Friday, March 9, 2012

3 months Old

I'm three months old now. I can sleep throught the night which my Mum is happy about but I try and give her one night time feed once or twice a week as I know she loves to have that quiet middle of the night feed with me.  I look around much more and I really don't like it when this family just leave me lying around without giving me the attention that I deserve. But with a little cry I can sure make then come running to play with me.  I love looking at faces and trying to talk. I still sleep next to my Mummy in my bassinet, its cozy in there.

In the last month I have also had my first plane ride to visit some of my Aunties and Uncles in Sydney. I only have one Aunty now which I haven't met yet, sorry Aunty Suzie Tassie is just to far away for a weekend trip.


Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Wedding Anniversary

8yrs ago it was pouring with rain and I married my best friend. We didn't have any grand plans of what our life would be like, how many kids we would have or when we would have them, we just jumped in feet first and said no matter what happens we are in this together...

On another note I have aged so much in eight years, I blame that on the kids.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Great Grand Cummings Visit

We were very excited to see the Great Grand Cummings when they made their tour of Australia to see all of their 33 Great Grand Children. What a fantastic legacy!
First stop in their tour from Perth was Adelaide, then Sydney, once in Sydney they saw three of the Cummings Great Grand Children that were born last year. Plus they got to witness Neil (Dave's brother) and Jen get married in the temple. From Sydney that boarded a ship to cruise around New Zealand to celebrate their Wedding Anniversary and then arrived in Brisbane.

Josephine was the last of the Great Grand Children that they were to meet. It was lovely to have them in our home for the day and share with the our life. Whilst they were here they asked David if they could look at Riley's album. I unfortuately was not in the room at the time but I know David appreciated them sharing with them their own lost of a child at infancy and how they wished that they too could have been able to hold on for a little longer, to have more photos and more memories.

For me to be able to have a legacy as large as their my three girls would have to have alot of kids and  then their kids would have to have lots and lots of kids, I don't think that will be happening.

8 of 33 Great Grand Children

About Me

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I'm a stay at home mum to three beautiful girls and one angel boy which inspire me to be a better person every day. My Blog is about our life and suviving the up and downs of raising a family and the love and loss that come along for the journey.